Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Vicky Vette Is Cumming On Cam [Christmas Parody]

You better watch now
You better undress
You're gonna say "WOW!"
She's moaning, "OH YES!"
Vicky Vette is cumming on cam!

She's taking a pic
And posting it twice
She already knows
That naughty IS nice!
Vicky Vette is cumming on cam!

I see her when she's camming
I see her fingers play
I see that her tits are so good
So go join the VNA!

(to the tune (obviously!) of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Away On A Porn Couch [Christmas Parody]

Away on a porn couch
No cash for a bed
A 20 year old MILF
Was giving me head.
She lubed up her ass,
"Fuck me hard!" did she say
My cum hit her big tits
Let's wrap for today.

(to the tune of "Away In A Manger")

Monday, December 20, 2010

Porn Make Ye Horny, Gentlemen [Christmas Parody]

My perverted parody of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen":

Porn make ye horny, gentlemen,
Watch DVDs risque
For spanking on your monkey
Should be done every day
To keep our balls from being blue
When we can't get a lay:
O moaning and buttsex and jizz,
Buttsex and jizz,
O moaning and buttsex and jizz.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Response to BBW Fascination's "Some Thoughts About Race and Porn..."

My fellow pervert Chuck, who runs BBW Fascination, has a must-read post, "Some Thoughts About Race and Porn...".  Go read the whole thing, now!  Chuck's well-spoken, and well-conceived, points have spurred several additional thoughts in my mind.  (And Chuck, I hope you don't take offense at anything that I have to say.  I'm a white guy with plenty of white guy shortcomings to my perspective... but I'll try my best to be honest about my own stereotypes, in hopes of overcoming them, and ask that you overlook my faults!)

The biggest dislike that I have of the way interracial porn is made and marketed is that it is described as outside the norm of typical sexual activity, and typically the white participant is "fucking down" or "slumming it" by having sex with a black person.  Gangbangs, ghetto princesses, black monster cocks, or my personal standard of racism in porn marketing, "I Love Jerking Off N*****s!" (as if touching an African American penis is too corrupting to imagine!)... if you can't tell if it's a porn movie or a Jerry Springer show title, it's probably offensive!

One thing sorely lacking in porn in my opinion is a "superstar" black leading lady high-production-value films.  On Adult DVD Empire's ratings, the only black women that I saw in the top 100 w Crystal Clear at #47 (22 ratings) and Roxy Reynolds at #92 (31 ratings)!  Several Asians and Latinas were higher, and both of those groups were much better represented and had many more reviewers.

Black men are also typically marketed as having base, rutting needs fulfilled by sex where white men elevate their status through conquest.  Why are blacks giving in to animalistic urges when whites are doing something they enjoy?!?  That's another factor in the absence of blacks portrayed as enjoying sex: the racism of automatically estimating the black's social standard as lower.  It's not fulfilling sex between two equals, but portrayed as a coupling of superior with the inferior.

Black men don't seem to be able to make it in porn without a 12-inch cock... another example of their status as novelty in porn rather than mainstream.  (Side note: If I were black, I think it would be tough to be continually compared to the stereotype of having a huge dick.  As I remember from post-game showers in the high school locker room--where admittedly I didn't spend a great deal of time staring at other guy's equipment--most black guys seemed right about the same size as me: pretty damn average.  I can imagine the ego blow from girls expecting a monstrous slab of cunt-stretcher being disappointed at a normal sized penis, and I'm relieved that I don't have to live up to those expectations!)

Identifying porn as black on white, or blacks-only, or whatever isn't a bad thing simply because we all have our kinks and it helps me find what matches my mood.  But we don't see redhead/blonde/big tit/shaved/hairy/whatever as a touchstone, where interracial so clearly is!

Sad to say, I am relatively inexperienced with interracial sex.  I've only had one black partner in a short-lived relationship.  I'm proud to say that we neither dated nor broke up because of race (and I'll be over in a hurry if you need a booty call, girl!), but it was a massive turn-on to see how dark her areolas were around lighter nipples, the inky wiriness of her pubic hair, her hands on my dick, OH MY GOD her light pink pussy turning excited red between dark labia, and white cum on her dark mound!  The images of being with her stand out strongly to me years later.  My experiences with her make me hopeful that the ultimate solution to racism is that differences will never be eradicated, but should be celebrated.  After all, our differences are what make us individuals, right?

Now if porn will only follow suit: marketing how the difference is beautiful rather than ZOMG SHOCKING!!!  HUGE BLACK COCK REAMS HER LITTLE WHITE PUSSY!!!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Porn Review: Circa '82

In Vivid Alt's concept porn title Circa '82, director Dave Naz brings together all the goodness of modern porn quality with the classic 80s feel of my formative years as a pervert.  The colors, mood, and style make me expect to see Seka or Christy Canyon walking on the set!

Scene 1 stars Ashley Blue wearing fine striped shirt and platform sandals.  After a ferocious blowjob, she quickly has a cock right up her ass.  The hair along her cunt lips really adds to the vibe, reminding me of all the girls with hair from top of the mound all the way past asshole.  The highlights of the scene are Ashley being held up in the air by a standing Tony T while he drop-fucks her butt and standing doggie anal.  She finally raises her shirt to show tiny, bouncing tits in reverse cowgirl (still anal all the way).  Her ass-pounding finally comes to an end with a thick blast of spooge to the tonsils.

Maya Hills starts out scene 2 with a look at her checkered Vans--was she alive when those shoes came out?  Maya wraps her full lips around some dick in a sensuous blowjob, while using her hand to show her crotch off.  Doggie style with nipples barely uncovered is the fucking appetizer.  She mounts him cowgirl with a flourished curlicue all the way down his cock, alternating between vigorous thrust and slow grind.  Maya does a sweet ball lick, then lies back and spreads for more fucking.  From the side, she almost channels that Tracii Lords (the later years, you perv!) look with her full lips and straight bottle blonde hair.  Between the legs camera work makes her asshole look so inviting while she's dicked, and the way she keeps the jizz on her tongue and licks her lips is a perfect finish.

Gorgeous Lexi Belle is eyecatching in golden cheerleader bloomers as she kneels over her guy's dick.  Fast cowgirl features some great waist-down full-length grinds from Lexi and his balls slapping against his asshole.  A quick 69 changes to a closeup of her swollen pussy lips stretching in reverse cowgirl.  Some wild bounces let her pert tits steal the show for a bit, and then she lays on her side for some cock from behind.  After a variety of other positions, her 80s makeup and fashionplate hairstyle look is completed with sperm trailing down her cheek.

Sasha Grey captures a perfect 80s look with long hair, Chuck Taylors, short skirt, and red cotton panties.  She hungrily devours Julius Ceazher's thick cock before her red panties are moved aside.  He teases her for a few strokes and then gets down to serious fucking.  Her panties wrap around her Cons and she does a standing split that showcases her healthily thick bush.  Vigorous sex through several positions, especially a good standing sequence, culminates in cum dripping off Sasha's lips.

Madison Lane (scene 5) quickly raises her shirt to show long pointy nipples and eagerly gobbles prick.  Quick anal insertion is followed by hard pounding.  She firmly rubs her clit while Ashley Blue comes in to watch.  When his cock comes out of her ass, Ashley decides she wants a taste as the two girls take turns deep-throating him.  Madison skillfully guides his cock back into her anus for wholesome buttfucking, along with some helping licks from Ashley when he slips out.  The scene is made by Ashley alternately blowing bubbles with her gum and giving a lazy ass-to-mouth.  It's a pity that too much self-frigging by Madison hides her cute bush and pouty cunt, but a change to reverse cowgirl gives the fix I want.  The cumshot is straight into her mouth, and she makes the most of it by sticking out her tongue with a large pile of spunk on it.

Circa '82 is truly the perfect title for the film.  The filmography is more focused on whole-body movement than fucking closeups, and there's a feeling of casualness and ennui to the sex conjures carefree, pre-HIV fear days.  Cameras occasionally lose focus or linger on a non-erogenous body part but it seems to be stylistic affectation rather than sloppy pornomatography.  The girls are all-natural and soft as opposed to the hardbody, super-silicone, big-haired ideal that swept porn in the mid 80s.  Few porn films manage to be artful and contain high-quality fucking; this nostalgic homage is a delightful exception.  I give it 4 1/2 ultra-horny stars, and if your formative years in porn are like mine, go ahead and add an extra half star to make it a solid 5!