Vicky Vette Is Cumming On Cam [Christmas Parody]

You better watch now
You better undress
You're gonna say "WOW!"
She's moaning, "OH YES!"
Vicky Vette is cumming on cam!

She's taking a pic
And posting it twice
She already knows
That naughty IS nice!
Vicky Vette is cumming on cam!

I see her when she's camming
I see her fingers play
I see that her tits are so good
So go join the VNA!

(to the tune (obviously!) of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")

Away On A Porn Couch [Christmas Parody]

Away on a porn couch
No cash for a bed
A 20 year old MILF
Was giving me head.
She lubed up her ass,
"Fuck me hard!" did she say
My cum hit her big tits
Let's wrap for today.

(to the tune of "Away In A Manger")

Porn Make Ye Horny, Gentlemen [Christmas Parody]

My perverted parody of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen":

Porn make ye horny, gentlemen,
Watch DVDs risque
For spanking on your monkey
Should be done every day
To keep our balls from being blue
When we can't get a lay:
O moaning and buttsex and jizz,
Buttsex and jizz,
O moaning and buttsex and jizz.

A Response to BBW Fascination's "Some Thoughts About Race and Porn..."

My fellow pervert Chuck, who runs BBW Fascination, has a must-read post, "Some Thoughts About Race and Porn...".  Go read the whole thing, now!  Chuck's well-spoken, and well-conceived, points have spurred several additional thoughts in my mind.  (And Chuck, I hope you don't take offense at anything that I have to say.  I'm a white guy with plenty of white guy shortcomings to my perspective... but I'll try my best to be honest about my own stereotypes, in hopes of overcoming them, and ask that you overlook my faults!)

The biggest dislike that I have of the way interracial porn is made and marketed is that it is described as outside the norm of typical sexual activity, and typically the white participant is "fucking down" or "slumming it" by having sex with a black person.  Gangbangs, ghetto princesses, black monster cocks, or my personal standard of racism in porn marketing, "I Love Jerking Off N*****s!" (as if touching an African American penis is too corrupting to imagine!)... if you can't tell if it's a porn movie or a Jerry Springer show title, it's probably offensive!

One thing sorely lacking in porn in my opinion is a "superstar" black leading lady high-production-value films.  On Adult DVD Empire's ratings, the only black women that I saw in the top 100 w Crystal Clear at #47 (22 ratings) and Roxy Reynolds at #92 (31 ratings)!  Several Asians and Latinas were higher, and both of those groups were much better represented and had many more reviewers.

Black men are also typically marketed as having base, rutting needs fulfilled by sex where white men elevate their status through conquest.  Why are blacks giving in to animalistic urges when whites are doing something they enjoy?!?  That's another factor in the absence of blacks portrayed as enjoying sex: the racism of automatically estimating the black's social standard as lower.  It's not fulfilling sex between two equals, but portrayed as a coupling of superior with the inferior.

Black men don't seem to be able to make it in porn without a 12-inch cock... another example of their status as novelty in porn rather than mainstream.  (Side note: If I were black, I think it would be tough to be continually compared to the stereotype of having a huge dick.  As I remember from post-game showers in the high school locker room--where admittedly I didn't spend a great deal of time staring at other guy's equipment--most black guys seemed right about the same size as me: pretty damn average.  I can imagine the ego blow from girls expecting a monstrous slab of cunt-stretcher being disappointed at a normal sized penis, and I'm relieved that I don't have to live up to those expectations!)

Identifying porn as black on white, or blacks-only, or whatever isn't a bad thing simply because we all have our kinks and it helps me find what matches my mood.  But we don't see redhead/blonde/big tit/shaved/hairy/whatever as a touchstone, where interracial so clearly is!

Sad to say, I am relatively inexperienced with interracial sex.  I've only had one black partner in a short-lived relationship.  I'm proud to say that we neither dated nor broke up because of race (and I'll be over in a hurry if you need a booty call, girl!), but it was a massive turn-on to see how dark her areolas were around lighter nipples, the inky wiriness of her pubic hair, her hands on my dick, OH MY GOD her light pink pussy turning excited red between dark labia, and white cum on her dark mound!  The images of being with her stand out strongly to me years later.  My experiences with her make me hopeful that the ultimate solution to racism is that differences will never be eradicated, but should be celebrated.  After all, our differences are what make us individuals, right?

Now if porn will only follow suit: marketing how the difference is beautiful rather than ZOMG SHOCKING!!!  HUGE BLACK COCK REAMS HER LITTLE WHITE PUSSY!!!

Porn Review: Circa '82

In Vivid Alt's concept porn title Circa '82, director Dave Naz brings together all the goodness of modern porn quality with the classic 80s feel of my formative years as a pervert.  The colors, mood, and style make me expect to see Seka or Christy Canyon walking on the set!

Scene 1 stars Ashley Blue wearing fine striped shirt and platform sandals.  After a ferocious blowjob, she quickly has a cock right up her ass.  The hair along her cunt lips really adds to the vibe, reminding me of all the girls with hair from top of the mound all the way past asshole.  The highlights of the scene are Ashley being held up in the air by a standing Tony T while he drop-fucks her butt and standing doggie anal.  She finally raises her shirt to show tiny, bouncing tits in reverse cowgirl (still anal all the way).  Her ass-pounding finally comes to an end with a thick blast of spooge to the tonsils.

Maya Hills starts out scene 2 with a look at her checkered Vans--was she alive when those shoes came out?  Maya wraps her full lips around some dick in a sensuous blowjob, while using her hand to show her crotch off.  Doggie style with nipples barely uncovered is the fucking appetizer.  She mounts him cowgirl with a flourished curlicue all the way down his cock, alternating between vigorous thrust and slow grind.  Maya does a sweet ball lick, then lies back and spreads for more fucking.  From the side, she almost channels that Tracii Lords (the later years, you perv!) look with her full lips and straight bottle blonde hair.  Between the legs camera work makes her asshole look so inviting while she's dicked, and the way she keeps the jizz on her tongue and licks her lips is a perfect finish.

Gorgeous Lexi Belle is eyecatching in golden cheerleader bloomers as she kneels over her guy's dick.  Fast cowgirl features some great waist-down full-length grinds from Lexi and his balls slapping against his asshole.  A quick 69 changes to a closeup of her swollen pussy lips stretching in reverse cowgirl.  Some wild bounces let her pert tits steal the show for a bit, and then she lays on her side for some cock from behind.  After a variety of other positions, her 80s makeup and fashionplate hairstyle look is completed with sperm trailing down her cheek.

Sasha Grey captures a perfect 80s look with long hair, Chuck Taylors, short skirt, and red cotton panties.  She hungrily devours Julius Ceazher's thick cock before her red panties are moved aside.  He teases her for a few strokes and then gets down to serious fucking.  Her panties wrap around her Cons and she does a standing split that showcases her healthily thick bush.  Vigorous sex through several positions, especially a good standing sequence, culminates in cum dripping off Sasha's lips.

Madison Lane (scene 5) quickly raises her shirt to show long pointy nipples and eagerly gobbles prick.  Quick anal insertion is followed by hard pounding.  She firmly rubs her clit while Ashley Blue comes in to watch.  When his cock comes out of her ass, Ashley decides she wants a taste as the two girls take turns deep-throating him.  Madison skillfully guides his cock back into her anus for wholesome buttfucking, along with some helping licks from Ashley when he slips out.  The scene is made by Ashley alternately blowing bubbles with her gum and giving a lazy ass-to-mouth.  It's a pity that too much self-frigging by Madison hides her cute bush and pouty cunt, but a change to reverse cowgirl gives the fix I want.  The cumshot is straight into her mouth, and she makes the most of it by sticking out her tongue with a large pile of spunk on it.

Circa '82 is truly the perfect title for the film.  The filmography is more focused on whole-body movement than fucking closeups, and there's a feeling of casualness and ennui to the sex conjures carefree, pre-HIV fear days.  Cameras occasionally lose focus or linger on a non-erogenous body part but it seems to be stylistic affectation rather than sloppy pornomatography.  The girls are all-natural and soft as opposed to the hardbody, super-silicone, big-haired ideal that swept porn in the mid 80s.  Few porn films manage to be artful and contain high-quality fucking; this nostalgic homage is a delightful exception.  I give it 4 1/2 ultra-horny stars, and if your formative years in porn are like mine, go ahead and add an extra half star to make it a solid 5!

Porno Dreamin': "Pornstar," with apologies to Nickelback

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Thank You for Flying Fleshlight Airways!

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All About Sex Pornsitions!

Most porn scenes are a dizzying array of positions, insertions, withdrawals, and camera angles--usually at least three or four different positions.  These positions, and the camerawork accompanying them, can make or break a scene--because the most critical rule of camera work in pornography is that penetration must be clearly visible.  Many times, the right angle and length of time spent in a position are the difference between watching intently and hitting the fast-forward control.

Here is my humble take on what positions work best and why.

Missionary (woman lying on her back, man on top facing her) is ineffective in its basic form.  Too much of the penetration is hidden from view.  Missionary only works well in porn when the woman is lying back and the man either squatting or standing, and effective camera angles are limited only to a high camera between woman and man.  A further drawback is that a woman's breasts tend to be in their least attractive position when she is lying on her back.  One interesting effect that is best shown in missionary is ballslapping in a very fast fuck, but that is a minor plus at best.  Another effective use of missionary is for a quick segment immediately before the cumshot so the jizz can be blown across the woman's stomach, mound, and pussy.  That is especially true in BBW, hairy, shaved, or pregnant genres, as niche porn should always have the cumshot on its main focus.

Doggie Style (woman on hands and knees, man standing or kneeling behind) is a solid position for smut, with several viable camera positions.  One of my favorites is looking down from the male's perspective, which usually shows a good view of the woman's ass wiggling and at its best shows her asshole winking in and out.  Anal sex is very good in doggie style.  Another excellent point of view is between the male's legs.  Doggie style allows either woman or man to move freely.  Breast swing in doggie style is good in the big tit genre, and the belly ripple is a standard part of BBW and pregnant porn.  Variants of doggie style with the woman standing and the camera looking up from underneath her are good too.

Cowgirl (man lying on his back, woman on top facing him) is, in my opinion, often done very poorly.  Penetration is usually somewhat obscured on at least some of the stroke.  It works best with a camera slightly above the man's head looking at the dick and pussy, and is most effective when the woman either leans back towards the man's feet or vigorously moves her whole body up and down his shaft.  When viewed from behind, cowgirl frequently is too dark to show the pussy well--it only is effective when the man grabs the woman's ass to hold her cheeks apart or when the woman is moving quickly enough to give a nice butthole wink.  Anal cowgirl is usually not bad because the woman's body must angle backwards for insertion, giving a clearer view of her pubic region.  Double Penetration seems to work best in cowgirl but needs tight framing to keep what's important in view.

Reverse Cowgirl (man lying on his back, woman on top facing away from him) is often my favorite position. The woman's whole body is visible (and that's what I want to look at; I can see a guy's body any time I fucking please!) and penetration is clearly shown.  The scene earns extra bonus points for showing the little triangle of shocking pink just above her pussy when the man's cock stretches her as much as possible.  Breast motion is shown well in this position, and either man or woman can further spread pussy lips apart with hands.  Anal sex in reverse cowgirl gives a great view of labia wiggling in rhythm to her asshole moving over his cock.

Cowgirl and reverse cowgirl should never be used for the cumshot... it's called gravity, people, and nothing turns a porn viewer off like the sight of jizz on a guy's hairy tummy!

Spoon (man behind woman with both on their sides) is another favorite position, clearly showing penetration and motion while permitting a full view of the woman.  It has all the advantages of reverse cowgirl and allows for a workable cumshot.  My only criticisms of spoon are that it frequently gives an asymmetrical view of the woman's tits (as one seems below her body and the other nipple is smack in the middle of her chest), and haven't we seen that damn porno couch in the spoon scene enough already?

Heidi Hanson's "The State of the Industry, IMHO": One Consumer's Response

First, do your homework and read Heidi's excellent blog post, "The State of the Industry, IMHO."

Are you back?  Good!  Heidi's article begs a larger question: "Why is there any new porn being made?"  That question cannot be answered without examining the reasons for watching and enjoying porn.  I can think of several reasons why porn is so enjoyable:

• Porn provides the viewer with a largely selfish sexual outlet.  Watching porn allows me to guarantee my own satisfaction without worrying about whether I am pleasing my partner (shame on you if you don't worry about that; sex is so much more fun with partners who are concerned with the other's pleasure above their own!).
• Porn allows the viewer to explore sexual curiosity that may not be available in real life.  I will typically watch about anything in porn (at least once!) regardless of what, in real life, I have already tried, liked, not liked, am not willing to try, or do not have a partner willing to try.  This also explains the current popularity of the parody genre--which is misnamed, as it is a simulacrum designed to represent the real-life thing instead of a satirical experience.  The "parody" gives us something near enough to its real-life equivalent to fulfill our fantasy of what would happen if our favorite stars on shows got a little frisky.
• Porn fulfills the male urge to sleep with as many women as possible without all the consequences of such a lifestyle.
• Porn is a cheap date who always puts out.  I've never had to take a favorite movie out to dinner, had it have a headache, or listened to it whine about me watching other porn movies, have you?
• Technology will continue to improve porn, through higher-quality sensory experience, availability of "niche" content, increased interactivity and personalization, medical "improvements" of actresses (if that's your thing), and other means that I may not even be able to envision.

The second and third reasons virtually guarantee that there will always be a market for new porn: new girls, new interests, new gimmicks, new trends.  These desires are hard-wired into the male psyche, and that's good news for porn studios.  The question remains, how to make money from it?

One way is to be the exclusive producer of something desirable, whether it's technological improvement or a hot actress.  This is not a sustainable model; technology inevitably comes down in price.  Loyalty or interest in an actress is a fickle thing--though this is good for an actress who gains a loyal following and has the business sense to market herself to fans rather than a studio.

Another way is to produce a higher-quality product.  I remember watching a copy of a copy of "Thunderstorm" starring Jeanna Fine on VHS over and over when I was younger.  Today I tend to look down my nose at anything that isn't shot in HD with good lighting and crisp picture.

Another way is to be more responsive to customer feedback.  We viewers now have more available input than ever into what porn gets made.  Studios frequently have up to the minute access to sales trends, as well as Twitter feedback, retail site comments, and online reviews.

The last way is to connect users to interests more easily.  This is happening more than ever, a niche site for people who like girls shoving salmon in their twats can now exist with worldwide distribution where "Girls Who Fuck Sushi 13" would never be at the local rental store!

The flip side of the massive availability of free porn is that most of it is crap.  I've watched enough porn that I'm past the initial fascination with people fucking on camera.  My greatest criteria for good porn is that the performers have to enjoy what they are doing.  This is the great thing for discriminating viewers with the current porn industry problems--it will weed out those who only want to make a buck in favor of those who enjoy what they are doing.  It shows on my side of the camera, people!

In its simplest statement, the purpose of the porn industry is to assist the viewer's orgasm.  Content producers would be wise to remember that--it's why we are watching in the first place!

Porn Review: Pretty Pussies Please 5

In my porn-lovin' heart, I can't honestly say that I've ever seen an ugly pussy, so I'm proceeding under the assumption that Third Degree Films' Pretty Pussies Please 5 is, in fact, referring to all the female parts attached to said pussy as "pretty" rather than a beautiful vagina on its own.  

Shawna Lenee kicks off the film with her ultra-pointy nipples and round tits.  She rubs herself spread-legged before wrapping hands and mouth around a cock.  She looks cartoon-sexy in her long fake eyelashes but her head-bob while giving a blowjob is total hot.  Her partner gives her a nice clit-licking; then they settle in for some 69.  Reverse cowgirl leads off the fornication, and it's a real ball-slapping, ramrodding fuck that has Shawna writhing.  She has a massively swollen clit--as big as I've ever seen in porn before.  There's more cocksucking before she's getting the same hard fucking in cowgirl.  Then Shawna takes over, doing first the ass-slap and then the clit-grind.  A quick change to spoon shows off her cameltoe, and then her cunt's full of cock again.  The fuck intensity stays high through a face-down, ass-up doggie that once again puts her giant clit on display.  The cumshot paints the back of Shawna's throat, and she proudly shows us that it all went down.

Scene 2 starts with Tori Black showing her pretty pussy credentials by spreading wide.  (Yes, astute viewer, her DVD cover photo is a mirror image, as betrayed by the wrong side for her tattoo.)  Her guy gets a slow, wet, gentle-but-deep blowjob on his super-curved dick.  Then Tori's bouncing on his cock with gravity-defying hair everywhere.  Next comes reverse cowgirl, which sets Tori's pert, athletic breasts moving up and down.  Her arch-backed style lets her ram down hard and fast on the cock.  She spreads her legs wide for doggie-style, and yes, if I can't smack her ass personally, seeing it happen is the next-best thing.  There are several withdrawals and re-insertions, but unfortunately there's no gape caught by the camera.  After a quick rimjob, she wiggles her middle finger around in her cute asshole, then shoots us the bird while she licks it.  At last I spot a little gape.  Then she lies back for more muff-diving and returns her finger to her anus.  Spoon shows the whole beautiful package, cute face, perky tits, flat tummy, and trim pussy with swollen lips.  Her eye makeup is also running a bit now, making Tori look like she's fucking her all.  A little more oral fills her mouth with spunk, which she swallows with a twinkle in her eye.

Dark-haired Mina Leigh is masturbating at the start of scene 3.  Her bush is trimmed to a dark triangle pointing down at her clit and even darker pussy lips.  Her puffy nipples poke out from small, pert breasts.  She uses a large, clear dildo on her twat that gives a great show when surrounded by her indigo-dark labia.  Mina also gives an anal flexing show that has me hoping for a cock up her ass in the near future.  Her partner doesn't have to move a muscle to get her deep-throating him.  Cowgirl has her browneye again on prominent display.  After that, spoon has her pussy lips moving along his sliding dick, with occasional glimpses of shocking pink interior.  They are then on to the anal sex (however, I dock them a point for an off-camera insertion)!  Mina's wet, red gaping pussy moves with the buttfucking, pink vaginal entrance clearly visible.  Change to reverse cowgirl is accomplished without withdrawal from her ass, and if anything her twat is redder and more spread than before.  Doggie style finally shows anal insertion, but after the ass-pounding she's already had, it lacks the resistance of initial anal sex.  In compensation, we get several good anal gapes.  She does a quick ass-to-mouth for a chin-dripping facial that coats her from lips to breasts.

Ann Marie Rios uses a chrome vibrator to get in the mood in scene 4.  She gives a jerky blowjob that borders on ADHD; every motion is done quickly and nothing lasts more than a few seconds.  This is followed by a questionable titty-fuck (as she doesn't really have enough to wrap the shaft).  Worse yet, she keeps up inane banter for the duration; I can't imagine watching more than a few minutes without muting her.  Her partner does a lot of twat-spitting before getting down to some pussy licking and ass munching.  He puts his shaft in her doggie-style and goes to work.  Ann Marie can't seem to keep still, squeezing her tits, smacking his ass, and pulling down on his nutsack, among other things.  Her best fucking is cowgirl viewed from the side, which at least channels her incessant, spasmodic motion into something resembling sexy.  When she's still, she actually does have a lithe, sexy body--her motion is simply so jerky it's distracting.  Spoon improves things, as she's in a fairly immobile position.  He finishes with a cumshot on the crotch, and my least favorite scene of the film is over.

The final scene is Tanya James and her super-silicone breasts.  She gives her pussy a slow rub with one finger between the labia before spreading her pink wings.  She has massive dark curlicue lips.  Next she's devouring a thick dick in an impressive deep-throat while 69ing.  First insertion is cowgirl, and her ass is spread wide.  A super-spread missionary gives a good labia display, but makes her augmented breasts look very artificial.  Her stomach puffs in and out nicely with each cock stroke.  Tanya is visibly aroused by the fucking--she grimaces, moans, and is getting sweaty from exertion.  Her partner gives her a vigorous clit-rub while licking her asshole.  She kneels and they're fucking again, as she bites the covers of the bed.  Spoon allows him to be root-deep in her, as her large pussy petals cling to his cock.  The treat of the scene is reverse cowgirl, where first he's totally still while she moves and then she squats motionlessly for a jackhammering of a fuck.  A quick knee-high missionary leaves her smiling through cum rolling down her chin.

Pretty Pussies Please 5 is solid modern-day Porn Valley, enthusiastically varied fucking with pretty-but-forgettable talent and one money scene--with the lovely Tori Black--that makes watching worthwhile.  Video is quality anamorphic widescreen with no distractions or picture issues.  I give it a good 3 1/2 stars, good seed-spilling stuff if not great.  Tori's scene will satisfy fans and win her new ones long after the other scenes are forgotten.

Review: Adult DVD Empire Rental Service

I've now been a member of the Adult DVD Empire rental service for several months, and would like to share my experiences with them.  I've also used their A La Carte rentals for nearly two years.

The cost of the service varies by how many items can be out at one time.  I have the lowest level, Silver membership for 2 movies at a time for $16.95 per month.  Other options are:

• Gold, 3 movies at a time for $22.95 per month
• Platinum, 4 movies at a time for $26.95 per month
• Emerald, 6 movies at a time for $38.95 per month
• Diamond, 8 movies at a time for $53.95 per month

All charges are automatically billed to your credit card.  (Prices and features are as of this writing, check for yourself while signing up.)

A La Carte pricing is per movie, and seem to be from $1.99 to $5.99 per movie.  Most seem to be $4.99 per title.  A La Carte rentals are due back within 20 business days, with a $1/business day late fee.


Both memberships and A La Carte rentals have no additional shipping fees.

Membership DVDs are sent in a discreet, return-postage-paid envelope.  A La Carte orders are shipped in the same sleeve for one disc or a return-postage-paid box for between two and six discs, so all discs in a multi-disc order must be returned at the same time.  (There is no disadvantage to ordering A La Carte movies one at a time, even on the same day.)

Transit Time is usually 2 days either way as discs ship from their Warrendale, PA facility.  If I am shipped a disc on Monday, it almost always arrives on Wednesday.  There never seems to be any lag between arrival and checkin--returned items are consistently checked in two days after I return them.  They don't appear to process rentals on Saturday.

I have averaged about 10 movies per month in the time I have been a member, usually watching them the day I receive them and returning the next day.  The membership has been very cost-effective for me over either renting A La Carte or purchasing the same number of movies.

Movie Selection is outstanding.  It is rare that I find an in-print title that is not also available for rental, and it is frequently the case that out-of-print movies are available for rental.  Pre-releases may be added to your queue as well.

Queue Management is through an easy-to-use online tool.  You can order your queue by movie priority.  You can set your preferred priority method to receive the highest-priority available movie or to wait one business day to see if your #1 priority movie becomes available (if it doesn't after the wait, you will receive the highest-priority available movie).  A "drag and drop" interface to change priority would be more elegant, but you can change any movie to any priority and there is a quick link to move a title to the #1 priority.

Multi-Disc movies have apparently just become available, and only count as 1 item.  All discs must be returned for the item to count as returned.  I have not yet gotten a multi-disc rental, but I'm very happy to see this change and look forward to taking advantage of it.

The only disc problems I had have been dealt with promptly and professionally.  I have received one cracked and one unplayable disc in that time, and a replacement was sent the next business day after I reported the problem.

Adult DVD Empire also ships items to backward-ass places that hate porn, unlike many other online rental services.  Obviously, check your local laws regarding adult materials (and vote out morons who think they have a say about what you watch)!

Overall, I am extremely satisfied with the service from Adult DVD Empire.  Their service features reasonable cost, good turnaround time, and excellent selection.

Porn Review: Friends Don't Let Friends Fuck Alone 2

Friends Don't Let Friends Fuck Alone 2 from Burning Angel Entertainment is a high-octane threesome-or-more! romp featuring some of today's hottest talent putting their all in, and out, and in, and out...

First up are Violet Monroe and Joanna Angel.  Joanna looks incredibly sexy with wavy hair as she and Violet are kissing.  The boys show up when Joanna has her face buried in Violet's pussy.  They give tag team blowjobs, switching partners so they can taste both the white and the black dick.  Joanna kneels on the couch to take the white cock inside her while eating Violet out.  Violet's mouth is still filled with dick, until her partner slides into her Brazilian-trimmed twat.  They switch partners, and Joanna takes his long, black johnson sliding smoothly and steadily up her puss.  She moves her ass to perfection in cowgirl, which shows off her pink cunt bulging with large dick.  Meanwhile, Violet and her partner have changed to anal sex, rubbing her clit with a dick abusing her ass.  She's soon made the middle of a double-penetration sandwich, with Joanna firmly stroking herself in the background.  They trade partners again, with Violet climbing on for a cowgirl ride while Joanna licks her browneye while her own is filled with white dick.  Soon Violet has the giant black cock in her ass while Joanna masturbates her.  She shows off her giant gape before doggie style insertion as she spreads her legs to Joanna's tongue.  Joanna is now on the subject of double penetration as the black cock enters her anus.  Then it's Violet's turn to be penetrated in both orifices again, until Joanna guides the black cock down the dirt road.  After a lovely reverse cowgirl anal, Joanna has twin cocks seesawing her crotch, her mouth wide with pleasure.  Violet ends the scene with both guys' loads on her face and Joanna licking it off.

Scene 2 starts with a blowjob by the lovely Andy San Dimas.  Her partner's friend comes in the room, and after disguising the activities they were engaged in, Andy and the friend go downstairs.  After a blowjob with Andy's large eyes looking up at the guy the whole time, there's a bit of stinkfinger before he enters her standing doggie while she's grabbing a pillar.  Her first friend comes down the steps and catches Andy getting fucked from behind.  Andy goes over to give his dick some oral favors before spreading her pussy wide for insertion.  After a fine leg-high standing doggie, she takes one dick in the mouth and the other reverse cowgirl.  Then she's on her knees licking and stroking the two cocks before more standing doggie.  She holds one leg impressively high to give a perfect view of the dick sliding home.  Andy ends the scene with her beautiful face impressively coated by twin cumshots.

Lovely, porcelain-skinned Draven Star is smoking hot in a denim skirt with no panties.  She is quickly being licked and rubbed, which gives a show of her colorful and artistic inkwork. A quick blowjob leads to her ultra-smooth snatch being fucked spoon with her skirt around her waist.   James Deen has a slightly disturbing Paul Reiser look.  Who could that be at the door, interrupting their fuck?  It's Bella Vendetta, wearing only a white top and shoes!  Would she like to fuck too?  Yes, it certainly looks that way!  Bella takes over blowjob duties while Draven masturbates on the bed downstairs.  Bella kneels on the couch for a doggie-style pounding that switches to more of a kneeling spoon with no withdrawal.  Reverse cowgirl finally shows off her pierced clitoral hood.  Meanwhile, Draven's fingers finally coax her pussy near orgasm when Bella comes down to see what is going on.  Both girls' tops come off, revealing Bella's gloriously full and bouncy breasts and Draven's detailed and colorful artwork.  Bella's tongue lovingly caresses Draven's vulva, and Draven quivers intensely.  Draven has her turn next, tasting Bella's clit while sliding two fingers inside her.  Draven's back tattoos of feathered wings are fascinating, intricate and beautiful.  Predictably, the girls' fun is interrupted as James comes downstairs.  Bella and Draven take turns with his dick and balls in their mouths.  Bella lies down to be fucked, which sets her ample tits in motion.  Then Draven lies on top of Bella so that the cock can fill her pussy while Bella rubs her clitoris.  The guy has his choice of two of Burning Angel's most delectable girls, and he is committed to sampling both as he switches back and forth.  Bella hogs the cock for a little bit as she's fucked hard doggie-style while Draven eats her from below, but Draven soon takes over in cowgirl.  Her ass puckers with every stroke, especiall when Bella spreads her cheeks.  In the end, Draven gets the grand prize, a load of spunk on her tummy that Bella licks off!

The next scene features Joanna Angel, Skin, and Holly D.  Joanna Angel sets a squabbling Skin and Holly straight by having them eat her pussy.  Both girls sit back while Joanna fingers and licks both of them.  Joanna has a session with each girl's vulva before she licks Skin's pussy while Holly rims her.  All three then masturbate, first themselves and then Skin giving Joanna a frenzied rub, who goes down on Holly.  Then Skin and Holly turn their attentions to Joanna, smacking her ass firmly while licking and fingering.  Joanna puts two fingers up her rear.  Joanna's intense climax ends the scene.

Last up are Misti Dawn and Jessie Lee, who are kissing as Mr. Pete peeks through the window and then comes in.  The girls make fun of his clothes and give him a new outfit when Jessie pulls down Misti's top  Jessie blows him as he licks Misti's nipples before she joins the blowjob fun.  Jessie gives a great ball-suck as Misti tastes his cock.  The girls playfully undress and Misti lies back to be fucked as Jessie licks her.  Jessie pulls Misti's lips far apart to show off the dick moving inside her.  Jessie climbs on in reverse cowgirl as Misti does ball-sucking duties.  Misti then sits on his cock cowgirl while Jessie puts her twat on his tongue.  Misti bends over to get fucked doggie style while licking Jessie's cunt.  Mr. Pete then rubs a surprised and then satisfied-looking Jessie to a squirting climax before entering her while she's spread on the couch.  Then it's Misti's turn to be rubbed to climax and fucked deeply.  Mr. Pete pulls out and fills Jessie's mouth with jizz.  The girls take turns swapping cum before ending in a sperm-slicked kiss.

A frequent rookie mistake of threesome (or more) porn is having too much action: too many position switches, everyone reaching for everyone else's stuff and blocking the camera.  Most porn viewers are rendered to singletasking by their circulatory system's reaction to arousal, and some filmmakers forget that.  Friends Don't Let Friends Fuck Alone 2 avoids such mistakes.

Picture quality is gentle on the eyes throughought.  Soft lighting keeps the anamorphic widescreen picture perfectly clear (the better to show off the girls and their beautiful artwork!) while never casting harsh shadows.

Burning Angel is the best studio at showing women as the powerful, potent force behind sex.  The females always thoroughly enjoy themselves--sex is a fun, mystic rite where the girl is the high priestess turned rock star.  This 5 star movie is highly recommended for lovers of multi-partner scenes or the beautiful tattooed goddesses of Burning Angel.  Currently available from Adult DVD Empire.

Pornvert's First Law of Porn

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Porn Quick Review: Barely Legal #87

Barely Legal #87 is a top-notch film in Hustler's Barely Legal series.  The best scene, #1, features a young, just out of the shower Angelina Armani (credited as Arianna Armani) in an eager fuck-fest.  Her natural beauty shines through with no makeup, and she lights up with the intensity of her cock-love (and it's worth watching the "Behind The Scenes" feature just to hear her talk about getting into porn because she craved dick).

Scene #2 is with cutie Deena Daniels, and the highlight is her squirting orgasm which leaves her and her partner soaked and glistening (though astute viewers may notice some out-of-sequence cuts as she goes from wet to dry to wet).  Extremely cute Cameron Love gives an energetic "on the kitchen table" fuck in scene #3, a close runner-up to Angelina Armani's feature-stealing performance.  Scene #4 is the weak point of the film.  Jayla Starr is cute by normal standards, but too much foundation over bad skin and alternately passive and too-abrupt movement make her the least desirable showing in the lineup.  Scene #5 features hardbodied cutie Jessica Young in a car-wash setup that keeps her skin wet and glistening.

The DVD is anamorphic widescreen that shows off its young stars through good lighting and camera work.

Overall, Barely Legal #87 is a fantastic entry into the "Barely Legal" series, worthy of repeated one-handed viewing.  I rate it 4 1/2 stars, and it's a must-have for Angelina Armani's scene.  Get it from Adult DVD Empire!

Porn Review: Cougar Club 2

The Cougar Club, Volume 2 from 3rd Degree is a modern-day look at some of the leading ladies from my perverted youth, when the Playboy between the mattresses was esteemed and an actual porn flick was a precious pearl beyond compare.

Shayla LaVeaux, a particular crush of at least one horny youth, kicks things off with a hot scene featuring a motorcycle and knee-high black leather boots.  Energetic standing doggie style turns into a standing split with her muscular body writhing.  Age has treated her well and she is supple but firm, and still with a hungry look on her face.  They move to cowgirl on a futon and the back view of her long thick hair and shapely ass is pleasing.  Shayla has worked up a nice sheen of sweat when they get to reverse cowgirl, and her nipples stand proud from her much younger woman's tits.  The way she arches her back and moves her hips is entrancing, and the last hungry look she gives the camera while rubbing cum into her tits is timeless.

Debi Diamond (scene 2) also exudes an ageless sexiness, though time has not treated her body quite as well.  Her breasts are natural, older woman breasts, past their prime but still very touchable.  She takes on two young studs, including a bravo performance fingering her own asshole while straddling one dick and sucking another.  She shows her chops with hard anal sex in about every position from both guys, culminating in double penetration.  Her energy is amazing, and she is rewarded with a face full of cum.

Scene 3 belongs to Ginger Lynn, whose body of film is legendary.  She radiates an aura of sex as if she's no closer to being satisfied than she was in her heyday.  She begins by sucking her partner's slightly-limp dick, and when it emerges from her mouth, it's become rock hard.  Assless chaps and doggie style show off her larger but still hot bottom.  They change to spoon, first straight fucking and then anal sex.  Her tummy is thick and cute, and her pussy lips are reddened and hot.  She is more passive than when she was younger during sex--but it would still be a dream to fuck Ginger Lynn.

Teri Weigel was a staple of Playboy until she went hardcore--and she did that with a frenzied intensity of flying dark hair and bouncing tits.  Thanks to implants, her tits still look massive and firm, and her full lips look great giving a blowjob.  Some energy has definitely gone out of her fuck.  She's still hot as hell though, and relishes the thick jet of spooge across her mouth, and her cummy smile is a winner.

Porcelain-skinned, redheaded Brittany O'Connell ends the film with scene 5.  She is easily the best-preserved in the movie and has a seductive rather than overtly sexual manner.  Her reverse cowgirl is a skilled, twisty dick dance.  Her tits are either the best-preserved breasts in history or the perfect implants, all fullness, bounce, and firmness.  Brittany has a studded pussy topped with a downy ginger patch, and she slides over and over along his cock.  She too ends up with cum on her face and tits to match a hungry, sexy smile.

Picture and camera work are good, bright enough to show what the average porn viewer wants to see but not so bright as to be harsh to the occasional wrinkle or sag these ladies might have accumulated through the passing years.  Quality is high on the anamorphic widescreen DVD presentation.

The Cougar Club, Volume 2 earns its 3 1/2 stars from me on the strength of the ladies' transcendent charisma, sexiness, and carnality that has nothing to do with age.  MILF lovers, fans from days gone by, and anyone who appreciates porn that is about the search for satisfaction rather than perfection should check it out from Adult DVD Empire.

Porn Review: Cum On My Hairy Pussy 9

Cum On My Hairy Pussy 9 is one of the absolute best installments in Devil's Film's ongoing tribute to Bush.


Candy Sweet begins scene 1 with the cliched "visit to the doctor" porn meme.  A stethoscope examination is the impetus for removal of clothing.  Candy is a very sweet-smiled brunette with a cute and unique beauty mark/mole on her face.  I have a feeling the "doctor" is in fact *not* a certified medical professional--a stethoscopic examination of the mons pubis is no procedure I am aware of!  The doctor is able to quickly determine that hair spills all around the pubic area in thick curls.  The unorthodox medical examination continues with vaginal testing by both finger and tongue of the doctor.  Candy must have one of the "Cadillac" insurance plans we've been hearing about.  In a surprise reversal of doctor/patient roles, Candy begins an oral examination of this quack's penis.


Further tests seem to be proven necessary and Candy has decided that the most accurate diagnosis can be achieved by inserting the doctor's penis into her vagina.  The examination progresses back to oral evaluation of penis condition while Candy's hand tests scrotum response and functionality.  Penis-based interior vaginal testing then continues in multiple positions--the doctor at least appears exhaustive in his methodology.  If I were Candy, though, I might find his CTT (clitoral-tongue-tasting) test to be a bit cursory.  Perhaps if Candy had given as thorough a review of his medical credentials as to his rear-entry coital technique she might have gotten more from her visit to the doctor.  It cannot be said that she gets nothing from seeing the doctor; she leaves with a sperm sample injected into her vagina  Perhaps this doctor is a closet physicist; he is clearly interested in the effect of gravity upon semen expelled into the female genitalia through coitus and orgasm.


Pale-breasted, shy-looking Abbey is the talent for scene 2.  Her bush is lightly covered in downy-soft long hair.  She shyly strokes her pussy and inserts two fingers before using a red liquid filled crystal dildo in her twat.  Her partner has her lick first the dildo, then his cock, and then his ass.  She takes his dick in a boob-shaking reverse cowgirl, spreading her legs widely to reveal the extent of her furburger.  Doggie style treats the viewer to some nice pussy gapes when he pulls his dick out.  I like the pink paleness of her areolas and nipples, and also like that she smiles more and more as she's fucked.  Her pussy still shows a nice gape as she rubs the spooge in.


Laura in scene 3 is a thin-waisted brunette with a kind face.  She has a hairy pussy.  Wait, let me phrase this right: she has a HAIRY PUSSY.  She gives my standard of hairiness (and possibly my reason for adoring a jungle of a bush) a run for the money.  (That's the girl in the orgy scene at the end of Traci I Love You if you're curious (which you should be).)  She warms up with a clear silicone dick before the real thing goes first in her mouth and then her cunt.  He's a very tight fit in her ass as several firm strokes there wave her labia at the viewer.  His cock goes quickly on a cross-country circuit from dirt road to love tunnel to mouth.  She keeps her legs well-spread to show her delightful pubic hair thicket.  The highlight is intense reverse cowgirl and doggie style anal sex showing both orifices in all their glory.  Her anus has a slight tracework of long hair around its red, cock-abused center.  Alternation between anal sex and pussy fucking continues throughout the scene.  Sweat and pussy juice begins to bead up in her pubic hair, a mix to which love butter is soon added.


Scene 4 stars Lola, a shorthaired dirty blonde with a round, sexy face.  She slips her red dress to her waist, exposing handful-size tits and lacy red panties.  Lola also has a hairy pussy.  (I'm beginning to sense a pattern here!)  She is of the longer, lighter variety instead of the "Heart of Darkness" wild look.  Lola's outer pussy lips are quite full, hiding the inner labia until she spreads wide.  She too uses a glass crystal dildo but puts it aside to show her blowjob talents when a cock appears.  It's a treat to see her swollen pussy lips swallow the dick.  She puts her whole body into fucking and then dick-sucking, with a side of ass-licking for good measure.  Moving the whole upper body is, I suspect, the ergonomically-correct blowjob technique; probably much easier on neck and shoulders.  Lola's flexibility is without question as she raises a leg by her face for deeper penetration.  One of the best shots shows her hand playing with her furry mound with her nipples and shadowy underboob at the top of the screen.  Lola seems to be a considerate partner, treating him to a toe-sucking while he rams his dick into her doggie-style.  The fucking soon produces the desired result of spunk on her hairpie, and her cummy lips seem to quiver as she rubs them.


Blonde pink dream Victoria Rush gets the Devil's Film cover girl and final scene.  Her tits are large, round, and natural-looking with giant dark areolas.  Her bush is sort of a "gone to seed" Brazilian, super-long and thick down the landing strip and much shorter down the sides.  She gets the best muff-diving in addition to the coveted pimp spot in the lineup.  His tonguing spreads her dark outer and dusky inner lips to show her delicate pink vulva.  First insertion is reverse cowgirl, and already there's body fluid on her hairy cunt.  Victoria gets full marks for genre understanding, sensually running her fingers through her bush without blocking our view of the cock enjoying her pussy.  She smiles a brilliant white smile while rear-entry fucking shakes her tits and ass.  Camerawork is excellent, alternating between closeup insertion and full-body fuck shots with the occasional zoom on dark nipples.  Victoria smiles throughout when she's not arching her back or head in pleasure.  Her hairy beaver hides the inner lips unless she's spreading them.  Victoria's best smile greets the thick white jizz on her bush as she rubs her fingers luxuriously through it.


The DVD is typical Devil's Film quality, shot in HD anamorphic widescreen, well-lit throughout, and choosing positions that maximize viewing of both penetration and hairy female genitalia.  Menus allow direct selection of each scene and chapter breaks occur at position changes.


Cum On My Hairy Pussy 9 features a beautiful lineup of hairy-bushed girls in a well-presented DVD.  It's one of the best in the series, a solid 4 1/2 Star porn flick.  Pick it up from Adult DVD Empire!

Porn Review: Jack's POV 5

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